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| LOW TIDE |
Are you the child of a Borderline or Narcissistic mother?
Not sure? It is a complicated topic, and while there's overlap, this guest blog (excerpts) by Daniel Lobel PhD may help you to tell the difference.
Self Centered Nurture:
Children of mothers with Borderline and Narcissistic Disorders are likely to have suffered some form of emotional abuse; however, each type of pathology leaves its own unique imprint on the development of the child and the parent-child relationship.
Children of Borderline mothers are seen as a lifeline, an umbilical cord that the mother clings onto for life in an exaggerated sense of dependency fueled by a lifetime of parasitic survival. There is a hungry desperateness to the Borderline mother, which leaves the kids anxious and never settled. One never knows when mom will turn on you, or undermine any step towards independence. It sounds harsh, but these mothers are desperately empty and demand that their children be ever available in order to avoid a terrible emptiness.
The Borderline mother uses every available resource – emotions, money, guilt, fear, threats - to manipulate their child to be available at all times and take responsibility for her whenever required. In contrast, the child of a Narcissistic mother is seen as a utility whose most valuable attribute is his or her ability to aggrandize the parent. Narcissistic parents seek out attention from their children when they need something from them. It could be something practical, like help around the house, or it could be more personal such as satisfaction of the need for validation or adoration. When their children are not available to do this, they may rage in anger, but they also quickly seek out others to fulfill the task…..
----Narcissistic mothers, on the other hand, are eager to share their children’s accomplishments, however, when they do so, they also take credit for the achievement and use it for self-aggrandizement.
“My daughter was selected to chair the committee for the arts at her alma mater. I always knew she had artistic talent. I guess having a musically talented mother paid off for her.”
“My daughter just won a silver medal at the Summer Olympics. Lucky she had me pushing her to get swimming lessons and compete - Mark Banschick M.D.
Children of mothers with Borderline and Narcissistic Disorders are likely to have suffered some form of emotional abuse; however, each type of pathology leaves its own unique imprint on the development of the child and the parent-child relationship.
Children of Borderline mothers are seen as a lifeline, an umbilical cord that the mother clings onto for life in an exaggerated sense of dependency fueled by a lifetime of parasitic survival. There is a hungry desperateness to the Borderline mother, which leaves the kids anxious and never settled. One never knows when mom will turn on you, or undermine any step towards independence. It sounds harsh, but these mothers are desperately empty and demand that their children be ever available in order to avoid a terrible emptiness.
The Borderline mother uses every available resource – emotions, money, guilt, fear, threats - to manipulate their child to be available at all times and take responsibility for her whenever required. In contrast, the child of a Narcissistic mother is seen as a utility whose most valuable attribute is his or her ability to aggrandize the parent. Narcissistic parents seek out attention from their children when they need something from them. It could be something practical, like help around the house, or it could be more personal such as satisfaction of the need for validation or adoration. When their children are not available to do this, they may rage in anger, but they also quickly seek out others to fulfill the task…..
----Narcissistic mothers, on the other hand, are eager to share their children’s accomplishments, however, when they do so, they also take credit for the achievement and use it for self-aggrandizement.
“My daughter was selected to chair the committee for the arts at her alma mater. I always knew she had artistic talent. I guess having a musically talented mother paid off for her.”
“My daughter just won a silver medal at the Summer Olympics. Lucky she had me pushing her to get swimming lessons and compete - Mark Banschick M.D.
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