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Tuesday, February 20, 2018

The Borderline/Narcissistic Mother -


LOW TIDE


LOW TIDE

Are you the child of a Borderline or Narcissistic mother?

Not sure? It is a complicated topic, and while there's overlap, this guest blog (excerpts) by Daniel Lobel PhD may help you to tell the difference.
Self Centered Nurture:

Children of mothers with Borderline and Narcissistic Disorders are likely to have suffered some form of emotional abuse; however, each type of pathology leaves its own unique imprint on the development of the child and the parent-child relationship.

Children of Borderline mothers are seen as a lifeline, an umbilical cord that the mother clings onto for life in an exaggerated sense of dependency fueled by a lifetime of parasitic survival. There is a hungry desperateness to the Borderline mother, which leaves the kids anxious and never settled. One never knows when mom will turn on you, or undermine any step towards independence. It sounds harsh, but these mothers are desperately empty and demand that their children be ever available in order to avoid a terrible emptiness.

The Borderline mother uses every available resource – emotions, money, guilt, fear, threats - to manipulate their child to be available at all times and take responsibility for her whenever required. In contrast, the child of a Narcissistic mother is seen as a utility whose most valuable attribute is his or her ability to aggrandize the parent. Narcissistic parents seek out attention from their children when they need something from them. It could be something practical, like help around the house, or it could be more personal such as satisfaction of the need for validation or adoration. When their children are not available to do this, they may rage in anger, but they also quickly seek out others to fulfill the task…..

----Narcissistic mothers, on the other hand, are eager to share their children’s accomplishments, however, when they do so, they also take credit for the achievement and use it for self-aggrandizement.

“My daughter was selected to chair the committee for the arts at her alma mater. I always knew she had artistic talent. I guess having a musically talented mother paid off for her.”

“My daughter just won a silver medal at the Summer Olympics. Lucky she had me pushing her to get swimming lessons and compete - Mark Banschick M.D.
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Enjoy your day!

Sunday, February 18, 2018

RELATIONSHIPS - MYTHS & TIPS

Art Prints

My Love

"I love you not because you are perfect but because you are so perfect for me"
Tip: Everyday show your spouse or partner how much you love and appreciate them by doing little things. No expensive gifts or extravaganzas are necessary! 
We all have stress and most of us work long hours but we should never forget our love.
Here are  few tips:
  1.  Call and say I love you -  or -
  2. Send a text message, it can be short like "xoxo" or "I just thought of you" -  or -
  3. Bring home flowers or just one rose - no special occasion - or -
  4. Give your love a hug - no special reason - or -
  5. Share the household chores
  6. Show your appreciation
 REMEMBER THAT LITTLE THINGS YOU DO MEAN A LOT

MYTH:
 A GREAT RELATIONSHIP CANNOT SURVIVE A FLAWED PARTNER  Dr. Phil McGraw

·    Nobody's perfect. As long as your partner's quirks are non-abusive and non-destructive, you can learn to live with them.

·    Instead of focusing on your partner's shortcomings, remember the qualities that attracted you in the first place. Perhaps some of these idiosyncrasies were part of the attraction? Just because a behavior isn't mainstream, doesn't mean that it's toxic to the relationship.

·    Be careful to distinguish the difference between a partner with quirks and one with a serious problem. Serious problems that are destructive and abusive include substance abuse and mental/physical abuse. Unlike idiosyncrasies, these are not behaviors you should learn to live with.
Enjoy your day!

Saturday, February 17, 2018

What is the Color of Love

What is the Color of Love?

There are many things in this world,
There are many people in this world,
There are many colors in this world
And each one is different.
In our world people have different colors
And they live quite often happily together side by side.
Colors are important
Because they make our world beautiful,
But they are not as important as what we feel, or what we think,
Or what we do.
Color is something, what our eyes recognize.
But love is something that we recognize with the heart.

 Now I am asking you “What is the color of love?”
You are the fire that keeps me warm inside


Translation (German):
Es gibt viele Dinge in dieser Welt, es gibt viele Menschen auf dieser Welt, in dieser Welt gibt es viele Farben und jede ist anders. In unserer Welt haben die  Menschen verschiedene  Farben, und sie leben oft glücklich zusammen,  Seite an Seite. Farben sind wichtig, da sie unsere Welt schöner machen, aber sie sind nicht so wichtig, wie das was wir fühlen, oder was wir denken , oder was wir tun. Farbe ist etwas, was wir mit den Augen erkennen. Aber Liebe ist etwas, das wir mit dem Herzen erkennen. 
Nun frage ich dich  "Was ist die Farbe der Liebe?"


  

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

HOW TO MOVE ON AFTER A DIVORCE

I think it is important to have closure in any romantic relationship or marriage that ends - from a romantic relationship to a friendship.

You should always have a sense of clarity at the end and know why it began and why it ended.

You need that in your life to move cleanly into your next phase.


After a divorce children still have both parents and should keep them in their lives. Do not use them as pawns or manipulate them by talking badly about your EX, their father or mother.

ILLUSION
Anastasia 1



Enjoy your day!

Monday, February 12, 2018

Animalistic behavior pushes the meaning of love aside

This is a very interesting editorial!

Elite Daily – elitedaily.com / Sarah Edelstein - Contributor


It’s safe to say you see it all during your college years, so it shouldn’t have been a surprise to me to find a lone bed, in a small room, in the basement of a friend’s fraternity house one late Friday evening.

Ideally, the bed was there for the brothers’ one-night stands and various sexual escapades when their own rooms were unavailable for use, or, perhaps, to avoid intimacy, as so many of us Millennials do.


My head took much longer to catch up with my observances than my eyes, but when I finally wrapped my brain around the entire concept of this sight, I realized something.


The absence of commitment, relationship labels, chivalry and the works of traditional dating patterns perpetrates these hidden “gems.”


With the revival of the established practice of dating, we may be able to prevent the grotesqueness of a sheet-deprived mattress that is likely crawling with disease, and shake off our generational label of “selfish narcissists” at the same time.


Generation-Y is infatuated with the casualty and ease that comes wrapped up inside an 11:30 pm “You up?” text message.


It’s too easy for us to engage in 30 minutes of coitus and return home to an empty bed all to ourselves, than to stick around and actually get to know the person we are sleeping with.


Romantic freedom is our pride and joy, and we love to attach ourselves to the talk of an emotionless sex life, rather than putting ourselves out there for someone else to get to know.


It’s all bark and no bite, if you ask me. We like to think we enjoy being used and using others when, in reality, our external shield protecting against feelings may do better made out of Egyptian cotton rather than steel.


We all need love, and that’s a fact. We crave it, even if that craving comes in the form of casual sex or intimacy.


Of course, the flip-flopping of separating the business of dating and the pleasure of intimacy can get confusing.


I have always told myself I can causally hook up with someone for a period of time without developing feelings, and I prove myself wrong every single time.


Maybe we don’t all want love, but there have been far too many encounters, with both men and women, who struggle with resigning to a non-committal exchange of intimate favors while still craving consistency and effort from their counterpart.


To make us feel better about our informal tendencies, we’ve coined terms like f*ckboy and f*ckgirl, which validates that the person we are having late-night flings with is just like that.


We tell ourselves we are not the reason why this person never wants to spend the night, or grab dinner beforehand.


But, what ever happened to chivalry? Commitment? We may be able to rid ourselves of the label of “most self-involved generation” if traditional patterns of dating resurfaced.


Do you ever find it difficult to explain to an older adult what the label is with the person you’re interested in, or, perhaps, simply hooking up with?


I have struggled to explain to my parents I’m seeing someone when, in reality, we only grab coffee between rounds of fornication, occasionally.


Relationships should be built on love and trust, and not labels by any means, but when we think about how the hook-up culture has evolved, it becomes clear that most of what we engage in is animalistic and pushes the meaning of love aside.


Settling in to accept the bare minimum of intimate satisfaction does us no good.


Why are we okay with the fact that someone brings us to the basement of his frat house for a quick f*ck on a mattress that has seen the ins and outs of many other meaningless intimate affairs before?


And we like the fact that the person we are sleeping with wants nothing to do with us before or after an exchange, besides a text message three days later asking for more?


The very needs that make us human are the needs to love and to be loved. It’s what has been the main factor in our growth and development since human beings began evolving.


From the moment we take our first breath, we are told we are loved, and while romantic love fosters and matures in different ways from paternal love, it gradually becomes something each of us lusts after.


Entirely, Generation-Y has lost the treasure in what it feels like to fall in love.


It’s the first time you fall in love with the girl who builds a castle out of blocks with you in the second grade; the boy who asks you to prom with a bouquet of flowers and a sign that spans across the dining hall of your school; the guy who walks you home from a late-night out in college.


Because every single time we fall in love, everything around us stops like magic and hardly anything else really matters, but that doesn’t even matter to us anymore, anyway.


Perhaps, we simply don’t care about setting goals for the future of our relationships, but when we are curiously staring blankly at a phone screen waiting for the text that indicates we’ll be getting laid that night, the thought can dart across our minds.


It might not matter to any of us how our generation is labeled — based on our patterns of intimacy, either — but giving love to another individual in the conventional style can release selflessness into the world.


It can cultivate a genuine happiness within, of which a hookup simply doesn’t have the capacity.


Anyone and everyone can do as they please when it comes to their romantic life, more importantly what brings them happiness.


But, to take an angle that makes dates happen at 7 pm instead of midnight, and consists of more than just a booty call, can do a whole lot more for Generation-Y than we think.

Have a great time!




Thursday, February 8, 2018

Lashing out at others only shows a sign of weakness.

Where there is shouting, there is no true knowledge.

Don't be distracted by criticism. Remember ~ the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you. -  Zig Ziglar


Enjoy your day!

Friday, February 2, 2018

LOVE - YOU HAVE TO NOURISH IT

LOVE

https://gerlinde-keating.pixels.com/products/love-gerlinde-keating-galleria-gk-keating-associates-inc-canvas-print.html

We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. 
You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard 
or just think it's going to get on by itself. 
You've got to keep watering it. 
You've got to really look after it and nurture it. John Lennon

💟  Have a great weekend!