DIVORCE - CHILDREN IN THE MIDDLE

Divorce is rarely easy for anyone, but children exposed to their parents' anger and pain often suffer the most.
 
Parenting takes a lot of skill and patience and is constant work and growth. Research shows that children benefit most when their parents:
 
communicate honestly about events or discussions that have happened
 
taking more interest in their child's educational needs and early development; and
 
keeping open communication and staying educated on what their child is learning and doing and how it is effecting them.
 
SEE A THERAPIST. If you are feeling intense anger, fear, grief, shame or guilt, find a professional to help you work through those feelings.

Helping children cope with divorce:  Work with your ex!

Conflict between parents - separated or not - can be very damaging for kids. It is crucial to avoid putting your children in the middle of your fights, or making them feel like they have to choose between you.

Remember that your goal is to avoid lasting stress and pain for your children. The following tips can save them a lot of heartache.

Never argue in front of your children, whether it’s in person or over the phone. Ask your ex to talk another time, or drop the conversation altogether.

Refrain from talking with your children about details of their other parent’s behavior. Do not talk badly about your ex!  YOUR EX IS YOUR CHILD'S PARENT!
 The oldest rule in the book: if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. 

Be polite in your interactions with your ex-spouse. This not only sets a good example for your kids but can also cause your ex to be gracious in response.

Choose to focus on the strengths of all family members. Encourage children to do the same.

Make it a priority to develop an amicable relationship with your ex-spouse. Watching you be friendly can reassure children and teach problem-solving skills as well.
 

THE BIG PICTURE

If you find yourself, time after time, locked in battle with your ex over the details of parenting, try to step back and remember the bigger purpose at hand.

Relationship with both parents. What’s best for your kids in the long run? Having a good relationship with both of their parents throughout their lives.

THE LONG VIEW
Everyone’s well-being. The happiness of your children, yourself, and, yes, even your ex, should be the broad brushstrokes in the big picture of your new lives after divorce.   

Remember this

Co-parenting is not about your feelings, or those of your ex-spouse, but rather about your child’s happiness, stability, and future well-being.

Take a little time off and enjoy your day!