PARENTS' RESPONSIBILITIES IN DIVORCE

Thank you for your e-mails in regards to Children who are caught up in a divorce.

You may want to read this:

1) Jointly tell the children about your decision to separate/divorce.

2) Answer questions truthfully. Do not lie.

3) Do not substitute gifts for love and time and attention.

4) Facilitate visitation by the other parent at regular and predictable times.

5) Designate time for the children to spend individually with each parent.

6) Periodically discuss with your children their wishes about residence and visitation.

7) Actively participate in your children's lives.

8) Facilitate private communication with each parent by phone/mail/fax etc.

9) Encourage your children to understand the importance of maintaining both parental relationships.

10) Keep handover times free of inter-parental arguments and hostility.

11) Discuss your childrens' feelings of guilt about causing the divorce.

12) Refrain from using your children as messengers between parents.

13) Refrain from using your children as hostages, or weapons against your ex- spouse.

14) Refrain from asking your children to keep secrets from the other parent.

15) Support relationships with both extended families.

16) Offer access to a neutral adult (therapist/teacher/pediatrician/rabbi/priest) whose primary interest is the well-being of the children.

17) Help your children understand the terms of the divorce agreement, including financial, educational and visitation provisions.

18) Do not expose your children to your transient romantic relationships.

19) Do not abandon contact with your children under any circumstances.

 These responsibilities are explored in Don't Divorce Your Children.